Tuesday, November 22, 2005

bedtime in ebyland

couple weeks ago i was chillin with my core group of friends. as we enjoyed our pasta and wine - the label on one of the bottles caught my attention. alice white. before i knew it i was whisked away into my childhood memories.

see, my mom had a...way to get me to bed when i was little. not only could she get me into bed, she had a way to get me to WANT to put on my pajamas and go to bed. i was excited to do this every night.

she would say "hey eby, it's time to go to Alice White's birthday party". well, i liked birthday parties. i especially liked wearing dresses to birthday parties. so, i was all for it. who cared who Alice White was? of course i'd go. she'd say "come on and put on your party dress...let's get ready to go". excited, i'd pull on my nightgown and climb into bed. "have fun" she'd say and kiss me goodnight. after she'd shut the door i remember being slightly confused, but i trusted her, after all, she knew lots of things. i'd fall asleep thinking about the party.

now, maybe i should be embarrassed that this little shtick of hers worked for so long. i'm not. it's not my fault, none of it is. what could i have done? how could i have known?

what's surprising about the story is that a couple years back Larry, Cindy and I were at a festival of some sort. i think it was Larry that found the bottle. Alice White...shiraz?!?! the hell?!?!

mom claims that Alice White was a made up name. she was pretty surprised that there's a wine named after her made up birthday girl. of course i believe her.

i wonder if it would have worked had it been Jack Daniel's birthday party she was inviting me to.

nah. that doesn't make me wanna put on my pajamas at all.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


look at how scary i was for halloween. i love halloween cause it's the one time during the year where i get to be intimidating. no one is ever scared of me, ever. until halloween. yes, those are white contact lenses. pretty kick ass, right? i like wearing these to work and freaking people out who are commuting on the metro. i just pick someone, and slowly turn my other-worldly gaze towards them...and stare...and watch them fidget and look away...and then look back to see if i'm still looking...

this year i was kinda like aaliyah from 'queen of the damned'. kinda. but not exactly. a vampire of sorts. i cloned myself and we walked around being scary. i keep wanting to be the 'evil tooth fairy' but i never get my costume together in time. maybe next year.

as is tradition, larry and i rounded up a small posse of comrads for our annual halloween scare. for the past 11 years we've sat on hayrides while being chased by bumpkins gone crazy and murderous, dragged stoned friends through numerous haunted houses, run screaming through haunted forrests while being chased by chainsaw weilding zombies, and more. every year i crouch, wince, scream and slobber my way through these attractions, while larry bounces, dances and giggles her way through like a pink-knitted-wig/hat/thing-wearing pixie, taunting the masked actors.

this year we went to Bennett's Curse. Bennett's Curse sucked for two reasons. it wasn't scary and the wait was too long for each of the 3 attractions. all in all, it was still a fun time just because of the company. i think we can rule this one out for halloween next year, though.

here's how not scared larry gets. some monster jumps out from hell like how they cross over in stargate, jumps in larrys and my face and does some scary growling that i know means 'i'm taking y'all to hell for that shit you did in college'. i do what i usually do. grab ANYBODY nearby, cling to them and whine-begging for mercy, forgiveness, whatever. larry just turns to the fiery demon and goes "seriously?!?" the demon does his best to give her a spine tingling stare. "i'm just sayin'" she adds.

this scene of bravery vs. cowardice has played itself out in lots of different ways over the years. i do beleive the first of which involved me sitting in larrys bedroom on easter morning at like 3am 10 years ago, pressing my nose against the window and watching her and Deo walk into the cemetary that our dorm building was conveniently built RIGHT NEXT TO to find a glowing blue object that we had seen from her window. yeah, she's like that. yeah, i'm like this.