scared of stuff

i have some irrational fears.

some of those fears include the great outdoors, wild animals, being cold, and some bodies of water.

exactly five years ago, on this day, i was confronted with a bunch of those fears.

my dear friend (boyfriend at the time) chad and i were driving across country and found ourselves at the gates of Yellowstone National Park. it was pretty nasty weather, cloudy and dark and snowing. it was also the first day that the park would be open for spring, so there was like nobody there.

Chad had been really excited about going to Yellowstone. i couldn't understand Yellowstone. how could there be wild animals roaming free up in there. and why did people want to go in there with them?

as luck might have it, chad found out that there was a natural hot spring somewhere in the park. we parked the truck and walked down a path to find this hot spring that i secretly hoped we'd never find. as we walked i shivered and kept looking around nervously for all of the bears and wolves that were hiding behind rocks and trees and waiting to pounce on me.

i remember us approaching a river that was raging with white water. i can't swim. there were about 10 hippies wading in the shallow parts. they wished us a happy four twenty. i was glad to see some people around. hopefully i could out run a couple of them if anything went down.

so, get this, i reluctantly stripped down to my bathing suit in the snow! Chad coaxed me into the water little by little. but that shit was NOT nice. this hot spring was burning hot in some spots and freezing cold in others. the water was violently pushing me around and i just knew that i was gonna drown. my upper body was freezing, and i could sense the bears and wolves getting closer as they sensed my vulnerability...

it was too much scary stimuli for me. and i freaked out and started to cry.

chad wasn't upset, he threw me over his shoulder and got me back to the truck. it's a really funny story when he tells it.

ironic thing is that i've always wanted to be outdoorsy. in fact, i usually end up dating outdoorsy types of guys. it's just a long road to hoe, i guess. i'm scared of stuff. no one in my family camps out. as my friend Lisa's mom said "i used to have to do all of that stuff...why do i want to pretend to do it now?". i do wish i grew up doing more things in the outdoors, though. then maybe i'd be less scared of things that i should be enjoying.